A Joyful World

A leaf is a fun new toy that needs to be twirled, waved around, and tossed into the wind.

The sound of the vacuum is delightful music that needs to be rocked to, bounced to, and danced to.

Each passing stranger deserves a smile, a wave, and eye contact.

A bite of "adult" food warrants celebration, an "mmm", and a victory lap.

Each toy must be cuddled, carried, and blessed with a dozen kisses.

I'm her mother.  Of course I strive to teach her everything from simple tasks to larger concepts daily.  But sometimes I just need to sit back and learn.  She doesn't mean to teach me.  She doesn't intentionally set out to help me better understand how to live.  But there is so much that I can learn from her.

I pray that we each learn how to see the world with a joyful heart.  I pray that we each learn to enjoy the simple happy moments instead of dwelling on our greater concerns.  I pray that we learn the positive effect that we can have on others by exhibiting our own joyfulness.

I will be happy when...

I will be happy when I'm a size 4.
I will be happy when I pay off my student loans.
I will be happy when I get married.
I will be happy when I finish college.

There will always be a "when I....".

We can't allow our hopes for the future to rob us of the present opportunity for joy, happiness, and satisfaction.  This kind of thinking results from prioritizing what we don't have over what we do have and/or prioritizing what we want to be over what we are.

There's nothing wrong with wanting progress.  There's nothing wrong with working hard to accomplish goals. But when we delay our happiness, stifling it in the present moment, feeling that we are not entitled to it "until x", then we miss some of life's greatest opportunities.

If you aren't happy now, do you really believe that you "will be happy when..."?  If you aren't happy with what you have now, will some one other factor make all of the difference?

Yes, we all have things to strive for.  Yes, we have opportunities to improve ourselves and to improve our lives.  But we will never arrive at some magical point where things couldn't be "better".  Frankly, the people in my life have it very well.  We have the love of our friends and family.  We have health.  Most of us have a job to go to in the morning or the qualifications to get one if we needed it.  The fact that we have an actual opportunity for a better future is a gift in itself.

There's a peace and a stillness that comes from gratitude.  There's an opportunity to turn down yearnings for more and to fully experience what is in our present.  There's a great sense of fulfillment that we can experience when we step back, gain perspective, and realize the value of all of the blessings in our life.

What do you have to be thankful for today?  Who's love have you taken for granted?  What job have you not made the most of?  What present level of stability have you failed to acknowledge as a blessing?

Can we stop focusing on "when I" and appreciate what we have now?

The First Year

I'm thankful for y'all- 
I'm thankful for every prayer & for every word of comfort we've received along the way. 

I'm thankful for each word of advice & encouragement. 

I'm thankful for the times Ryan & I could rest knowing that Alessandra was in good hands. 

I'm thankful for all of the generosity & that she's been given everything she needs. 

I'm thankful for every moment we've been able to accomplish, achieve & succeed in our ambitions knowing that our family was caring for Alessandra.

I'm thankful for the joys-
The first time I saw her. Her first smile. The snuggles. The determination. The first steps. Her dancing. Overcoming challenges. Hearing her laughter. Feeling so proud.

I'm thankful for God's love-
We love her with an active love. So much of our activity is fueled by our desire to give her the best environment possible. We encourage her. We protect her. We nurture her. We challenge her. We're always here for her. Experiencing this beautiful love gives us just a glimpse of the wonderful love that our God has for us. 

My wonderful little girl. I thank God for you.

To Solid Foods and Beyond!

How fitting that Alessandra turns 1 year old on August 7 - the final day of World Breastfeeding Week.
http://worldbreastfeedingweek.org/

There are so many moments I am going to miss from Alessandra's first year but I am so relieved to finally reach the end of this enormous project.  No more breastmilk!

Before Alessandra was born I set out to breastfeed for a year.  I've met several obstacles along the way including low milk supply (exacerbated by any attempts to lose weight), inability to latch, and so many challenges finding the time, place, and courtesy of others to accommodate my desire to give Alessandra breastmilk.

So many mommas ask me - Don't you want to quit? Aren't you tired of it?
Yes! It would be nice not to have to do this anymore.  It would be nice not to have to eat veggies and to only eat chocolate.  It would be nice to lounge on the couch having a beer instead of getting up and exercising.  It would be nice to do many things which aren't what's best for me or what is best for Alessandra.  This whole ordeal hasn't been easy but I try to wake up every day and do what's best for my family.  This is part of that effort.  I honestly think the best thing for Alessandra's health was for her to receive my milk during her first year.

Whether a momma is breastfeeding or pumping it's quite the undertaking. I have so much respect for the process now that I've been through it.

She has eight teeth now.  Since she got the hang of solids, she has never refused a food outright. I'm very blessed that we can rely on food for Alessandra's future nutritional needs but I'm glad I was able to give her this benefit in the first year.

My precious girl.  We reach another milestone.  Please don't grow up too fast.

Human Worth

Who doesn't need God?
Who is beyond God's reach?

Who am I to judge others?  Can I look at another and say - that person there, they are beyond God's reach, they are too far gone, they cannot be reconciled to God?
Is there anyone who doesn't need God?  Has anyone done so little wrong and so much good that they don't need Jesus on the cross?  Was his crucifixion in vain?

We hear about tragedies every day in the news.  The loss of human life isn't something that we look forward to hearing about, but it's our reality.  There was a shooting here in a church.  There was a shooting there at a school.  Another shooting took place over there, at a movie theater.

We hear about victims.  Does the fact that someone was an ordained minister make their life more valuable?  Does the fact that someone was popular and into spofts make their life more valuable?  Does youth make a life more valuable?

Do we not all have a spark of the Divine inside of us that makes us valuable?  Did God not put a fire into the depths of our being fully intent on seeing it burn?  Were we not all created with a purpose?  You're beautiful.  He's beautiful.  She's beautiful.

ALL of us were created in the likeness of God.  All of us arrived here as the result of the Divine intent.  We're not accidents.  We're not an amalgamation of molecules.  We're the likeness of God.  We have purpose.  God intends to be in a relationship with us.  God has given us the Divine command of being the face of God, through love, to our neighbors.

All loss of life is a loss.  There is no human act that can be taken that makes the loss of life lose its value or its importance.

Love the Lord your God with all of your heart, with all of your soul, and with all of your mind.  And Love your neighbor as yourself.

Not, love some of your neighbors.  Not love only those who look like you.  Not love those of your equal socioeconomic class.  Not love those who vote like you.  Love God and Love your neighbor. Period.  End of story.

Worth It

Perspective is important.  I can look at what my life lacks or I can look at the wonderful blessings in my life - I choose to do the latter.

Just because I have Joy, Love, and Blessings in my life, it doesn't mean that things are easy.  It took sacrifices to get here, it took long hours, dedication, heartbreak, being home-sick, mistakes, and failure.

Yes, I'm fortunate to have my job (any job really), but its taken tireless time and effort - not to mention the expense of student loans and the sting of delayed gratification - to get here.  I took a job as a legal assistant fresh out of law school because I couldn't find an internship.  I've been underpaid.  I've been overworked. I've been laid off.  I've (regrettably) been away from my family at important times in their lives because of the demands of my job.

Yes, Ryan and I love each other, but we have our differences, we've made each other angry, and it's taken time for us to build a relationship of trust and confidence.  We came into this relationship damaged, skeptical, put persistent enough to make things work. I moved away from my precious babies (nephews) to ensure that we had something of a chance of success.  We've lived far from each other, in our parents' homes, and in less than ideal conditions while trying to make this work.

Yes, I have the most beautiful darling little girl in my house every day, but I had loss before I had my baby. Loss is never forgotten.

Having such a full life is amazing, but we're not promised tomorrow.  I can be demoted, fired, or lose my license to practice law altogether if I don't stay committed to being excellent. I can come home to an unhappy husband who doesn't get to experience the kind of companionship he longs for if we don't make renewed efforts to connect and understand each other.  My beautiful girl sleeps through the night, is healthy, and is ahead of schedule on her milestones, but she won't continue to make such progress if I don't push through evening exhaustion, through the desire for rest, and commit to the hundred things it takes to keep her on track.  

I haven't "arrived".  I don't believe there is such a thing.  I don't have anything I can't lose.  I don't have anything that will continue to be great if I don't constantly, daily, make an effort and a commitment to nurturing these important parts of my life.  

I don't know many heiresses.  Of the people I know, we all toil for something.  We all answer to someone. We all pour our hearts and our energy into some relationship or some job.  

I give to something that is worth it.  My efforts belong to people who are worth it.  This particular type of toil has such great rewards.  I put in the work but I reap the great rewards.  I did my part to make this life what it is and I will continue to do my part to ensure that what I have isn't lost.  The rest is up to God's grace.  I thank Him that, together, we got this far.

My Loves

I honestly think Ryan & I are doing a good job at being parents.  I'm always striving to improve.  Every night I pray to God to help me be a better mother.  I listen to the parenting advice that I receive from others.  I read articles about what's good for baby.  I see Alessandra healthy, happy, and am reassured that we're doing a good job.

How's my marriage?

We are both so in love with - and so devoted to - this wonderful little lady that we share a home with.  Some days we don't look out enough for ourselves and we don't look out enough for our marriage.  She has what she needs from us and so much more beyond just that.

This week has been a period of growth for our marriage.  We've been set on taking control and ownership of our relationship and making an active effort to keep ensure that this great thing remains great.

We're best friends.  We've been through thick and thin.  He's always been there when it mattered.  I get the joy of seeing him be an amazing father.  Sometimes, we just don't pay enough attention to each other.  We know we have people around who would love to spend more time with Alessandra but, instead of calling them up so we can spend time together, we usually maximize our time with her.  This week has started a re-orienting of our focus back towards what we need from and enjoy about each other.

The crazy thing about this renewed commitment to our friendship, our love, our happiness, is that its been so refreshing and rejuvenating.  Part of me felt lazy about the whole thing and thought, oh great, another thing to put time and energy into.  It's not so.  Having another person to be joyful about, having another person's love and affection, knowing that someone else looks forward to enjoying your company, your conversation, sharing your interests - its exciting, its fun, it adds to what you have.  It doesn't feel like sacrifice or effort.  It feels natural.

There is this amazing man in my life.  We can walk hand in hand looking out into a bright future.  We can set our minds daily on creating something beautiful for ourselves and each other.  We have responsibilities.  We have duties.  We are so in love and committed to our little one.  She deserves our happiness.  She needs to be raised in a home with parents who know each other, feel close to each other, enjoy each other.  We're not two ships passing in the night.  We've promised each other forever.  We've made something that is half me and half him.  We have to remember to rest, to have shared experiences, to not forget the love that led us to this wonderful place to begin with.