Worth It

Perspective is important.  I can look at what my life lacks or I can look at the wonderful blessings in my life - I choose to do the latter.

Just because I have Joy, Love, and Blessings in my life, it doesn't mean that things are easy.  It took sacrifices to get here, it took long hours, dedication, heartbreak, being home-sick, mistakes, and failure.

Yes, I'm fortunate to have my job (any job really), but its taken tireless time and effort - not to mention the expense of student loans and the sting of delayed gratification - to get here.  I took a job as a legal assistant fresh out of law school because I couldn't find an internship.  I've been underpaid.  I've been overworked. I've been laid off.  I've (regrettably) been away from my family at important times in their lives because of the demands of my job.

Yes, Ryan and I love each other, but we have our differences, we've made each other angry, and it's taken time for us to build a relationship of trust and confidence.  We came into this relationship damaged, skeptical, put persistent enough to make things work. I moved away from my precious babies (nephews) to ensure that we had something of a chance of success.  We've lived far from each other, in our parents' homes, and in less than ideal conditions while trying to make this work.

Yes, I have the most beautiful darling little girl in my house every day, but I had loss before I had my baby. Loss is never forgotten.

Having such a full life is amazing, but we're not promised tomorrow.  I can be demoted, fired, or lose my license to practice law altogether if I don't stay committed to being excellent. I can come home to an unhappy husband who doesn't get to experience the kind of companionship he longs for if we don't make renewed efforts to connect and understand each other.  My beautiful girl sleeps through the night, is healthy, and is ahead of schedule on her milestones, but she won't continue to make such progress if I don't push through evening exhaustion, through the desire for rest, and commit to the hundred things it takes to keep her on track.  

I haven't "arrived".  I don't believe there is such a thing.  I don't have anything I can't lose.  I don't have anything that will continue to be great if I don't constantly, daily, make an effort and a commitment to nurturing these important parts of my life.  

I don't know many heiresses.  Of the people I know, we all toil for something.  We all answer to someone. We all pour our hearts and our energy into some relationship or some job.  

I give to something that is worth it.  My efforts belong to people who are worth it.  This particular type of toil has such great rewards.  I put in the work but I reap the great rewards.  I did my part to make this life what it is and I will continue to do my part to ensure that what I have isn't lost.  The rest is up to God's grace.  I thank Him that, together, we got this far.