I was about 13 before I really turned any solid focus or attention on to spiritual and/or religious ideas. I had been to church here and there, I participated in religious ceremonies like baptisms and weddings, I knew that some of the people around me were Catholics, but faith was not a personal thing for me until I was a teenager.
When I found God it became my immediate desire to know Him more. What was God like? What was my relationship with God supposed to be like? Was God in all things or just some things? What did God require of me? Why was God interested in me? etc.
There have now been many inexplicable moments in my life where I was in tune with a presence greater than mine that was full of every type of stillness that I can label - awareness, compassion, peace, love. Once I believed in God, it was a messy start trying to find a way to express and channel that relationship and flow. How do you give back to God? How do you participate with what God has in store? How do you build a relationship with God?
My glimpse of God is still in part...through a glass, darkly, just as it says in 1 Corinthians 13, but that glimpse has doubled in size since I became a parent. What is it like for someone's good to always be your priority? How can one be always preoccupied with the well-being of another while being fully occupied with other demands? How is it that someone's health, their comfort, their joy can paint every moment of life with meaning? How is it that the immensity of the world's darkness is muted in comparison to the grandeur of love? What is it like to be involved with someone in a way that what happens to them, in essence, happens to you?
She is mine and I am His. If He loves me half as much as I love her - what a blessing - and yet, He loves me infinitely more. It is such a great gift to get to participate in parental love. It is such a great gift to get to see another in the love that He sees us. How can I be worthy of His love or of getting to love her? And yet, I have the gift of both.
1 Corinthians 13:9-12 For now we know in part, and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away. When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child, but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.
Monday, February 23, 2015
Monday, February 9, 2015
Longest Weekend Ever!!
This weekend was just awesome. It felt so long and all the Gosebears enjoyed it so thoroughly.
Friday night Ryan and I dropped Alessandra off at the Hernandez grandparents' house and went to the Fire Department Awards Banquet. We got to hear stories about the heroic life-saving acts of several of the department's firefighters and many of them received their awards and recognition from the people who's lives they saved. It's such a special night that really makes you appreciate the selflessness of others and makes you want to hold on tight to everyone who is a blessing in your life.
Friday night was Alessandra's first overnight stay away from ME. She took it extremely well. She slept soundly through the night, stayed on schedule with meals, and generally was her sweet little self for my parents! I was frequently thinking of her while she was away. My dad was so sweet and responded to all my texts checking up on Alessandra. I know she was in good hands. I know my parents are wonderful caretakers. But I missed my little love. I needed to hear how she was doing. I needed confirmation and affirmation that all was well.
Texts with my Daddy:
Saturday was wonderful. After I pumped and checked in on Alessandra around 7:30am, I went back to sleep and slept in! When I finally woke up, I took my time slowly sipping a cup of coffee and eating a bacon & egg breakfast with NO WORRIES. I told my parents I would be over in an hour to pick her up but ended up taking two hours to arrive. It was just so nice to REST knowing that Alessandra was in great hands. When we finally picked her up we took her to the park and she loved it! She stared at the ducks, watched the other park goers (mostly children), and just took it all in. The sunshine felt so good and I loved sharing that new experience with her. She also behaved while we ate some Mexican food at Salsa Tex-Mex.
Dinner at Salsa Tex-Mex:
Sunday was great too. Ryan jogged while Alessandra & I went for a stoller walk. It was another sunshiny day & it was sweet seeing so many people say hi to Alessandra. We prepared for the start of the week but enjoyed just a bit more time together as a family. I was even able to take a nap with my sweet baby girl and the look on her face when she woke up next to Mommy was absolutely priceless.
Ryan after his jog:
Alessandra wide-eyed during our walk:
Waking up from cuddle-sleep with the sweetest smile! My heart melts!
I've realized over the last few years that it doesn't take much to make me happy. Money isn't the driving force in my life. I don't get bored easily. I don't need anything wild, extravagant, or expensive to keep me happy. My happiness walks around as breathing living beings every day. My happiness isn't the accolades I receive, the home that I live in, or the number of people who envy me. My happiness is my sweet healthy daughter's giggle, my husband's companionship, my parents' supportiveness, my Jesus' guidance - it is the wonderful PEOPLE in my life.
I want to invest myself more fully into the things that give back to me.
Friday night Ryan and I dropped Alessandra off at the Hernandez grandparents' house and went to the Fire Department Awards Banquet. We got to hear stories about the heroic life-saving acts of several of the department's firefighters and many of them received their awards and recognition from the people who's lives they saved. It's such a special night that really makes you appreciate the selflessness of others and makes you want to hold on tight to everyone who is a blessing in your life.
Friday night was Alessandra's first overnight stay away from ME. She took it extremely well. She slept soundly through the night, stayed on schedule with meals, and generally was her sweet little self for my parents! I was frequently thinking of her while she was away. My dad was so sweet and responded to all my texts checking up on Alessandra. I know she was in good hands. I know my parents are wonderful caretakers. But I missed my little love. I needed to hear how she was doing. I needed confirmation and affirmation that all was well.
Texts with my Daddy:
Saturday was wonderful. After I pumped and checked in on Alessandra around 7:30am, I went back to sleep and slept in! When I finally woke up, I took my time slowly sipping a cup of coffee and eating a bacon & egg breakfast with NO WORRIES. I told my parents I would be over in an hour to pick her up but ended up taking two hours to arrive. It was just so nice to REST knowing that Alessandra was in great hands. When we finally picked her up we took her to the park and she loved it! She stared at the ducks, watched the other park goers (mostly children), and just took it all in. The sunshine felt so good and I loved sharing that new experience with her. She also behaved while we ate some Mexican food at Salsa Tex-Mex.
Dinner at Salsa Tex-Mex:
Checking out the duckies:
Sunday was great too. Ryan jogged while Alessandra & I went for a stoller walk. It was another sunshiny day & it was sweet seeing so many people say hi to Alessandra. We prepared for the start of the week but enjoyed just a bit more time together as a family. I was even able to take a nap with my sweet baby girl and the look on her face when she woke up next to Mommy was absolutely priceless.
Ryan after his jog:
Alessandra wide-eyed during our walk:
Waking up from cuddle-sleep with the sweetest smile! My heart melts!
I've realized over the last few years that it doesn't take much to make me happy. Money isn't the driving force in my life. I don't get bored easily. I don't need anything wild, extravagant, or expensive to keep me happy. My happiness walks around as breathing living beings every day. My happiness isn't the accolades I receive, the home that I live in, or the number of people who envy me. My happiness is my sweet healthy daughter's giggle, my husband's companionship, my parents' supportiveness, my Jesus' guidance - it is the wonderful PEOPLE in my life.
I want to invest myself more fully into the things that give back to me.
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