On July 7, 2017 we finally met the fourth and final member of our little family. Evangeline "Eva" Aurora filled our hearts and our arms at an impressive 9 lbs 8 oz.
Isn't she a beauty!?
Pregnancy:
I spent the last few weeks of my pregnancy with Evangeline in the same way I spent the last few weeks of pregnancy with Alessandra - feeling the minutes tick by, anxious to meet my little ladies, praying for a healthy baby and smooth delivery, and feeling the immense toll that pregnancy takes on my body in the final trimester.
Labor Begins:
I learned to fear and loathe the induction process with Alessandra so I was incredibly relieved when my water broke on its own in the wee hours of July 7. Ryan and I ran around the house like crazy making sure all of our bags were packed and that we had everything we would need for the 3 day hospital stay. We're very blessed to have many family members nearby and my mother-in-law was at our house to watch Alessandra within 30 minutes of my water breaking. I chose my sisters as my support people months in advance but, as they should, they have lives and commitments of their own. They both traveled out of town in the days before I went into labor. I literally tracked my oldest sister through our iPhones right after my water broke and was so relieved to see that she was already on the road back to Dallas from Chicago by that point.
The car ride to the hospital felt incredibly long. I wasn't in much pain. I was just excited, anxious, and ready to meet my little lady. I called ahead and checked in and tried to mentally prepare for what was to come. I labored for 24 hours with Alessandra. I knew there was a good chance I would labor for several hours before meeting my new child, so I tried to get my head straight and prepare for the marathon ahead. I'm convinced that nothing can prepare you for childbirth.
Hospital Chaos:
We arrived at an overly crowded Labor & Delivery around 3am. They didn't have a room for us so we waited in triage for an extended period of time. Although I was certain that my water broke, they ran tests to make sure it was the real deal. I was finally officially admitted to the hospital at 3:45am. At around 5am I was finally admitted to a delivery room. I felt so much more comfortable knowing that I could progress with labor in an individual room as opposed to a shared triage space. At this point, I was in a comfortable space, my support people were nearby on-call, and I was ready to meet my little lady!
Labor:
I thought of myself as a strong person with a high pain tolerance until I went through labor with my first daughter. I'm usually all about physical challenges, pushing my limits, and ignoring any desire to give up. Labor is different. I went into this labor with a mantra, with prayer, with much more control over my mind overall, but about six hours into the process I started to feel overwhelmed. I requested medicine for the pain. The hospital staff knew that I wanted as little intervention as possible and they never offered, pressured, or suggested anything that contravened my desires. It sounds like a simple thing but I didn't feel like my wishes were honored in full during my first labor so this was a very welcome change. During every step of the process- the nurses, anesthesiologist, ob/gyn- all made sure that I was informed about each option and medical intervention and only proceeded once my informed consent was received. It was a very empowering labor. It was my labor. No one took control over it. I was in control of it.
I did it. The hospital staff certainly helped. My support people helped tremendously. There were several times during labor that I had to close my eyes and just breathe and listen. I tried to take the focus off everything I was feeling and just listen. When I listened I heard nothing but encouragement and love. I heard my sisters' excitement that they would soon see their second niece come into the world. I heard my wonderful husband saying "you're doing great Hon".
I knew I was progressing. I knew I was so close to meeting my daughter. I blocked out all the fears, all the hesitations, all the concern for what might happen to me and was ready.
I pushed for mere minutes before finally hearing my tiniest lady's powerful cry. All the fears about shoulder dystocia, baby getting stuck in my pelvis, a possible c-section, etc. were gone. Immediately upon Eva's birth, the room erupted with comments and jokes about her size. She's a "rolly polly baby" (because she literally has half a dozen back rolls), "I bet she exceeds 4500 grams" (the cutoff at which many doctors will insist upon or require a c-section), "hurry up and clean her, I want to know how much she weighs". Thank God. She got her safe and I'm well on my way to a full recovery.
My family is complete.Big Sister:
My little Alessandra has understandably struggled with her new role as a big sister. Ryan and I adore her. We spend countless hours thinking about her, planning for her, making sacrifices, changing jobs, reading books, talking to people, doing whatever we can to try to make choices that benefit her, to be caring and loving parents, and also to discipline her and prepare her for a challenging world. We love Alessandra more than ever now, but she has to see us love someone else just as fiercely as we love her. It can't be easy. We try to let her express the big emotions she is experiencing, to nurture her as she adapts to changes, and to reassure her that our love for our new daughter takes nothing away from our love for her. In some ways I know she gets it but the moments of doubt, fear, and jealousy are real and we will not diminish her experience. We will support her and love her through this experience acknowledging that it isn't easy.
Most days Alessandra is our big helper. She gives her sister a pacifier to soothe her, she worries when she cries, and she sings to her as she sleeps. On the days when things aren't quite so sweet we just try to remember to love Alessandra even more gently than usual and to have realistic and age-appropriate expectations during this time of transition.
I have known no other experience that sheds light so clearly on the Love that God has for us, His precious children, quite like being a parent.
He loves us in a way that is unfathomable. Loving our children merely gives us a glimpse, an idea, into what His Love is like. I thank God for each and every day that I get to wake up, maybe even three or four times a night, and be a mother to two of His precious little children.
