I tend to write when I'm working through difficult emotions and/or difficult situations. I've written very little in the last several months. Honestly, I haven't written because I've enjoyed and indulged in a time of peace.
There are often various sources of stress in my life:
- social expectations: business networking and enjoying time with friends,
- finances: buying a house, international travel, setting a budget,
- big decisions that can have a major impact on my family: selecting a school for Alessandra, finding a local church
- work/life balance: wanting my employer to know I'm committed and passionate about what I do, while knowing that I am irreplaceable to my family and that they will always be a priority,
- mental health: recurring bouts of depression and anxiety since I turned 13,
- etc.
Lately, none of my usual stressors have been causing me any problems. I've found myself in a period of stability. There are a few things that prominently stand out in my mind about this period of stability.
One: My life choices got me here.
I chose to be with someone who is financially responsible, who encourages me to see my counselor and often goes to counseling with me, who looks after our home and our daughter - especially while I trudge through pregnancy, and who is generally good for me and good to me. I struggled with co-dependency and self-destructive relationships for a long time and its nice to come home every evening knowing my partner through this life journey is such a blessing.
I planned well when making various financial decisions in the last several years so that we'd end up on a workable budget. We've worked hard to pay down debts, avoid over-indulgence, and communicate openly about expenses so that finances aren't a constant worry.
I've learned to nurture and preserve social relationships that are enjoyable, beneficial, and/or otherwise meaningful for me and got rid of several toxic relationships.
I've taken risks in my career in the hopes of finding something that is a good fit for my lifestyle, skill set, and interests.
There is something really beautiful about feeling a sense of ownership over your present situation. I know that much of my life was formed by my upbringing, my parents' endless devotion, my gracious and generous God, my good health, and even the privilege of getting to immigrate to America at a young age. Even with those blessings, it was my responsibility to form my life into one with peace and stability and to avoid rash, short-sighted, self-indulgent, vain, or foolish decisions. Whatever my life looks like, I take responsibility for it. It feels good to look at what I've helped build and to know I've made the most of my blessings.
Two: This wonderful & amazing period of stability in my life has allowed me to turn my focus outside of myself.
I've put the oxygen mask on my own face during this flight called life, and I'm now equipped to help my neighbor put their mask on. By being less worried about myself, I can mentally and emotionally devote myself more fully to helping my friends through their tough times, helping clients deal with challenges, advancing the firm's goals, and just generally being a resource for other people.
It really makes me feel fulfilled and alive to be able to give of myself to others.
I love that my friends trust me enough to come to me when they go through difficulties. I love that I get to work in an area of law where I'm fighting on behalf of others. I'm so relieved to be in a period of stability so that I can funnel my energy into being there for others and not spend all of my energy working through my own issues.
I'm going to make the most of this time of peace and stability.
