Seeds of Fear, Seeds of Hate, Spark of the Divine

A little girl at the playground tried to ridicule and humiliate my daughter for speaking Spanish.

My immediate responses were many.  The protector Mama Bear came out and I wanted to save my daughter from the situation.  I felt pure shock and my jaw hit the floor.  For a moment I felt responsible for what she was experiencing. I taught her Spanish, after all.  I heard a stranger (not the child's parent) chime in to try to diffuse the situation by encouraging the little girl to consider that it may be a good thing to speak both English and Spanish.

I took a deep breath and did not intervene.  I watched how Alessandra responded.  She smiled at the other little girl, sat next to her, said "Hi", and introduced herself.  For now, at least, Alessandra's own innocence meant she wasn't negatively affected by someone trying to degrade her.

Lord help me never to sow seeds of fear or hate in my child.  

It's not us versus them.  It's not familiar versus other.  It's just all of God's lost creatures discovering the spark of the Divine and trying to find their way through this mess together.

I can't shield my daughter from the world.  She will almost certainly go through much worse experiences - as I have - but, God-willing, she will come out of those situations with more wisdom, more love, and more compassion then she had before.

Our children are a blank slate.  They are innocent.  They know some level of selfishness, of course.  But what they don't know is prejudice, bias, and hate without being taught.

I pray to God every night to help me make good decisions.  If I can just make good decisions and set the right example for my daughter, maybe I can help build a foundation so strong that she can weather any storm, know her worth, and stand firm in her convictions.

My daughter.  Let me not show you the darkness. Let me show you the Light.

You were made for Love.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.  Love never fails.

Far From Perfect

I'm very grateful for what I have in my life and I'm proud of where I've ended up, but there are days that are filled with endless struggle.

It can be a very frustrating, intimidating, overwhelming, or even terrifying to take a long hard look at yourself. What's even more overwhelming is those times that you're not afforded the luxury of choosing whether or not to take a long hard long into the abyss - you feel stuck there.  You're stuck in repetitive thoughts.  You're stuck in self-defeating behaviors.  You're stuck in sour relationships.  You're stuck in a feeling or a thought that you just can't seem to shake.

It doesn't have to be that way.

I've relied on my family to get me out of the depths.  I've been blessed with a few great friends who've sought me out when I got lost in the darkness.  I've had a powerful God to turn to for warmth at times when I just felt numb.  And, yes, I have reached out to mental health professionals at multiple points throughout my life.

I feel no shame, no weakness, and no less proud of what I've done with my life just because I sought professional mental health when I needed it.  In fact, it's something we should encourage in others and be proud of.  

The person most capable of taking care of me is me.  The person most able to figure out when I've had enough and I need assistance is me.  It's my responsibility to make sure that I'm okay.  It's my responsibility to reach out for help when I'm not okay.

Doesn't my daughter deserve the healthiest me?  Doesn't my community benefit from what I do the most when I am the healthiest me? Don't I owe it to myself to be the best me possible so I can be the best vessel for God's work that I can possibly be?  If I'm using all of my energy fighting my own demons and focusing so much of my mind space on my internal struggle, how can I turn my attention outwards and help others?

It's World Mental Health Day and I just want to encourage anyone who is going through what I've been through or who is fighting their own internal battles to reach out for help.  I would love to hear from you and support you.