Awful First Week

I'll be honest here.  Our first week as parents was completely overwhelming.  We had beautiful wonderful moments with Alessandra, of course, but we also experienced so many frustrations, tears, and felt both scared and helpless.  I'll start by sharing those and share the joys after the harsh reality.

We didn't sleep the first few days after we became parents.  So many people had told us that we needed to "sleep when the baby does" to make it through the newborn phase and we were absolutely terrified when we thought back on the first few days and realized Alessandra hadn't slept more than 30 minutes at a time. She was always fussy.  She breastfed non-stop, which the nurses told me was a normal thing called "cluster feeding".  I was left exhausted and bleeding from the excessive feedings.  She wouldn't poop.  The fact that she wouldn't poop was actually a big deal.  There were calls to emergency nurse lines, an earlier than usual second pediatric appointment & great concern overall over the situation.

At the hospital where she was cluster feeding:

 At home as efforts to exclusively breast feed continued:

 At the pediatrician's office:

After several calls with the nurses and pediatrician I was told to supplement Alessandra's diet with formula. I did not want to give her formula!! I want her to have mama's milk.  There was an immense amount of pressure from the hospital staff, the pediatrician, society and from myself to exclusively breastfeed. I've always thought of formula as chemicals - almost like a can of coke - and wanted to only give Alessandra what was 100% natural & meant for her consumption.  I was initially horrified at the thought of giving that to my new tiny baby.
I didn't argue with the pediatrician though and I did as she said.  I cried over the fact that I was giving formula to my baby but I knew I'd rather feed her formula than see her continue to cry non-stop and not sleep.  Once the formula was being used, I used a pump to see how much milk I was producing.  My sister was nice enough to immediately send her husband over with a pump (they take a long time to arrive after putting in an order).  I was so disappointed with the tiny amount that came from one breast and the fact that only blood would come from the other.  I felt like an absolute failure and immediately wondered how long I had been starving Alessandra by only giving her the tiny amount of breast milk that I was producing. It was so disappointing to have to deviate from my plan and my intentions for her but I knew I had to set aside my own ego and do what was best for her.  I was determined to breastfeed.  Even if I could only pump half an ounce a day, I was determined to try my best to give Alessandra as much of my milk as possible, so I started pumping every three hours.  Each time I pumped there was a little bit more, a little bit more, a little bit more. With each extra tenth of an ounce that I produced, I was able to cut out a little bit of formula.  Finally, after so many pumping sessions, she was getting more of my milk than formula!
It has been very exhausting staying dedicated to the regular pumping and feeding sessions but it is so worth it to see Alessandra satisfied- to see her gaining weight, sleeping well and at generally at peace.  Now that Alessandra's food intake is straightened out, everything else - pooping, sleep, weight gain - fell into place.

Birth Story

Sex: Female

Date of Birth: 8/7/14
Original Due Date: 8/13/14
Weeks Pregnant: 39 weeks 1 day
Baby's Weight: 8lbs 6oz
Baby's Length: 20" 

I thought my water broke at 5am on the 5th but when I spoke with the doctor & told him it was a small amount of fluid, he seemed convinced that it was not amniotic fluid. On the 6th I had a similar leak again in the morning so I informed my doctor about it at the weekly doctor appointment at 9:15am. At this point he seemed more convinced that it might be my water & he sent me down the hall to have an amniosure test. The test confirmed I was leaking amniotic fluid and I was admitted to labor & delivery at 11:30am. I was on antibiotics from there on out (6 rounds) because my water had been leaking for so long. I've heard that many doctors will do c-sections if the water has been broken for over 24 hours to prevent the risk of infection and I was very relieved to find out that my doctor was not of that mindset.  I wanted as natural and unmedicated of a birth as possible.

I wasn't progressing on my own & was only dilated to a fingertip so pitocin was started at 1pm. I was not excited about the pitocin because I know that it tends to intensify contractions and lead to epidurals or other medical interventions but I understood the doctor's concern about wanting to get labor underway since my water had broken and I wasn't progressing.  I started having painful contractions around 4pm, a few hours after the pitocin was started, but I could breathe through the contractions & distract myself between contractions. By 10pm my contractions were off the charts but I was not any more dilated and my labor was not progressing. I was in a significant amount of pain & was using different techniques such as the birthing ball, trying different positions, trying to breathe with hubby, but nothing was helping to get my mind off the intense contractions. 

When midnight hit, 12 hours after being admitted, my contractions were very intense, coming with no breaks for rest in between contractions, and I was in the worst pain in my life.  I knew childbirth would be painful but I did not expect to be in such intense pain for such a long period of time with NO progress towards delivery.  When the doctor confirmed I was still at a fingertip dilated despite hours of painful contractions, I finally asked for an epidural.  I was exhausted, in pain, and concerned that I'd be unable to push if I had to endure the pain for much longer.  Thankfully, I received the epidural almost immediately after asking for it. My pain was fully relieved minutes later & I slept from 12:30-3am. I was checked at 3am and was dilated to 3 with a bulging bag. I was finally making progress towards meeting my little one!! I slept again 3:15-4:20 then at 4:45am began feeling lots of pressure and was dilated to 5 & bulging. By 6:35 I was pressing the epi button with no relief & was dilated to a 7. The pain was bad but not unbearable.  The nurses offered me narcotic/IV pain meds but I didn't need that.

By 9am the urge to push was increasing & I was dilated to 9. I told the nurse I needed to push at 9 but she said my body wasn't ready. I held out until 10am, feeling the urge to push the entire hour, when I finally told the nurse I couldn't resist the urge to push any more. I began pushing with just the nurse & no doctor. After a few pushes, she could see baby's head and was alternating between calling the doctor & being ready to catch my baby because I was a "good pusher". When I was told the doctor was almost there I managed to stop pushing for three contractions. My sisters were in the room for the delivery and at this point they both were telling me they could see baby's head/hair. After the doctor arrived I pushed about four more times and baby Alessandra was born at 10:50am. I heard her cry & saw her flailing arms & immediately felt relief from the entire birth process. 

I didn't quite have the birth that I had hoped for - specifically, I was induced and I needed the epidural - but I'm relieved that things mostly went smoothly.  Alessandra and I both came out of the other end of this whole ordeal healthy & I was exactly where I wanted to be mentally when she arrived.  I felt something new and special from that first time I saw her that I feel every time I see her.  I have had such a blessed life that I'm immensely thankful for, but Alessandra is the best most amazing blessing. She's the baby I hoped & prayed for & I'll do everything I can to ensure that she has a great life & turns into a great woman.  She is so loved.